ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
