I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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