i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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