I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
