Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
