the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
