Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
