how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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