hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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