haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
