Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
