Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
