WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
