Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
birth control should be required to get into college
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
