I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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