Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
