You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
