it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
4 words: hood of his car
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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