I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
