I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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