so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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