Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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