When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
