Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
