I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
