oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
