Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
