I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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