Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
