Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
