I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
