Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why didn't you poke me back
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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