i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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