So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
