oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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