I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
