People in love make me want to vomit
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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