made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I supernannyed him into submission
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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