Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
