She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
