How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
