woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
