I didn't shave. On purpose
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
