craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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