he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
