So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
