I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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