My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
