I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
