Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would fuck him just for his dog
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
